Twenty Thoughts to Remember If You Love Someone With Multiple Sclerosis (MS)
1. I have MS, but it doesn’t have me.
2. I am not my disease.
3. MS is not who I am.
4. Please be patient with me.
5. Giving me a “tough love” push is good.
6. Allow me to have an occasional break from myself.
7. Just let me cry when MS overwhelms me.
8. Can we talk about it?
9. Your love and support are so important to me.
10. MS is enormous in my life; help me make it not so much.
11. How can I help you?
12. Thank you for loving me and being here for me.
13. Life can be beautiful when we share it together.
14. My irritable comments are caused by MS, not you.
15. The ravages of MS pale when you hold and comfort me.
16. MS Support Groups help me to know there are others similar to me.
17. Remind me to exercise every day. My memory is a bit shabby.
18. Help me schedule eating healthful food.
19. Together our relationship is important.
20. Love me as I love you.
These twenty reasons to love someone who has MS are only a sample. There are many more. There is an opportunity for you to add yours at the end of this article.
Loving anyone is difficult as well as wonderful. When MS is involved, the difficult can be overwhelming. There are various reasons to love someone. Adding MS to the relationship causes unbearable strains for some.
It matters little whether or not MS is involved.
Recently, I talked with a middle-aged woman who said her husband told her he was leaving her. He couldn’t stand being married to someone who had MS.
This scene plays out often.
There are a number of reasons why this exact scenario presented itself:
- He was scared of future MS happenings.
2. He really didn’t love her anymore.
3. He found someone else and wouldn’t admit it to her.
4. He felt unworthy of her.
5. MS had changed her.
6. They both had changed.
7. People are not the same when disease enters the picture.
One of those reasons may or may not be why this man might have chosen to leave his sick vulnerable wife. There are as many reasons as there are people.
Angel Blair, author of blog comments on MSAA says:
“MS likes to weasel in and get in the way of relationships sometimes. It has a mind of its own, a differing agenda and likes to demand attention – all attention. MS can sort of mimic a toxic relationship, so it’s good to notice and call out these traits to avoid draining connections in the future. MS can be greedy and selfish. It can try to tear down your spirit and diminish positive affirmations. MS can try to change your perspective of how you see yourself and tell you no much of the time. It can be strenuous and exhausting and not give anything in return. Though you may take care of your MS it does not necessarily take care of you. It’s in these ways and others that MS can sometimes be a billboard for what a healthy relationship does not look like.”
I am fortunate to be married to a kind, gentle man who knew shortly after we met MS played a part of my life. He married me in spite of Multiple Sclerosis. Ours is a healthy relationship. Of course, we haven’t always agreed. But the good has far outweighed any not-so-good in our marriage.
Relationships can be difficult or harmonious. It depends largely on how much positive energy is applied by both parties involved. Sustaining a relationship takes commitment, loyalty, romance, dedication and so much more.
Judith Norris, Tampa Healthcare/Education Freelance Writer. FREE writing consultation from former English professor whose lifetime of writing provides much experience for all of her writing clients.